Roberts' Rules of Order

Lest our food for thought instigate a food fight or two, before proceeding with the roasting and toasting, it’s necessary to establish some basic guidelines for Dishing Politics.

Given the supremely serious nature of the issues set forth in this book, and recognizing the wave of political hypersensitivity polarizing our society, we thought it only appropriate to petition a neutral mediator to lay down some ground rules to ensure that Dishing Politics is both politically palatable and appealing to all taste buds.

To this end, we petitioned the Supreme Court for a “writ of culinari”, in the hope that they might prescribe some basic dishing protocols.

Surprisingly, they turned us down cold and threw out our case like three week old calamari, refusing to exercise their discretionary power to hear culinary cases on the grounds that political indigestion is an inalienable right endowed to all Americans and is not subject to the checks and balances of the judicial branch.

Despite this initial setback, we were not dissuaded. If the Court would not hear our case or formally establish our culinary rules of order for Dishing Politics, we would appeal to other measures.

We greased the wheels of justice and found ourselves an “amicus curiae”. Our “friend of the court” took advantage of newbie Chief Justice John Roberts’ Supreme Court naïveté, and slipped some culinary questions into his judicial review inbox.

Although the Chief Justice wouldn’t bite on all the issues, he did issue a verbal admonition to his staff and colleagues, reminding them that the order in which food is served is not a Constitutional consideration. Adding that most of the Founding Fathers probably had wooden teeth and thus were limited to drinking mulled wine and eating corn paste, he reasoned they weren’t overly concerned with these matters.

The Honorable John Roberts then stormed out of his chambers, grumbling that Rehnquist never had to deal with such crap and that precedent is clear on the issue of culinary order: appetizers should be served first, followed by soup or salad, the entrée and then dessert. His wisdom and insight are awe inspiring.

Nevertheless, we needed more. Dishing Politics blends food and politics in such a way that without some general guidelines and rules of order, we feared the book could unduly ignite passions and stir up all kinds of trouble around the kitchen table.

So in the absence of a Court edict, we did the next best thing and canvassed the Bar. After speaking with a number of experts and “people-in-the-know”, all of whom had been admitted to more than a bar or two in their day, we came up with the following rules of order for Dishing Politics which, to the best of our knowledge, accurately reflect the Honorable John Roberts’ judicial precedents.

These rules of order shall be applied and respected until such time that the Chief Justice should formally modify or amend said rules in accordance with the provisions set forth in this cookbook and in the Constitution of the United States of America:

Dishing Politics

Rules of Order

· All’s fare when dishing politics.

· Be prepared to eat your words.

· Oral arguments are both required and encouraged.

· Briefs have their merits; but for your own protection, wear something more while dishing in the kitchen.

· All comments made in this book should be taken cum grano salis, unless the recipe specifically advises against taking them with a grain of salt.

· Never force feed your opinions to others.

· Keep eating until you get your filibuster.

· Checks & Balances: Check to be sure your meals are politically and nutritionally balanced.

· While fattening up, lighten up and be happy.

A final reference should be made to the way in which this book is structured. Although consideration was given to ordering the recipes according to the political party or issue being roasted, we felt that this system might prove too polemic for some. Our intention is to help America overcome its bout of political indigestion, not exacerbate it.

As such, we opted for a more conservative cookbook structure, categorizing the recipes according to their serving order with absolutely no regard whatsoever for the political merits of the dish. Political fare of different ideological slants coexisting in harmony and peace on the pages of this book; it’s a beautiful thing. Why can’t we all just get along?

To wit, “Opening Statements” include appetizers and other starters, although almost all of these recipes can also be served as a main dish. “Political Platforms” contain more substantive fare and entrees, while “Sidesteps” provide an eclectic array of side dishes. “Dessert Storm” doles out just desserts and sweet revenge to our political elite and “Kickbacks” offer a few cocktail and beverage suggestions.

Now get Dishing… and that’s an order !

Book Orders:

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Information:

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To schedule a book signing or roasting session:

E-mail: events@DishingPolitics.com

Dishing Politics™ — The Cookbook

Served to you by JL Jamieson

Chief Justice John Roberts’