As a mainstream maverick, John McCain is the quintessential insider’s outsider. 

The Arizona Republican earned national notoriety as a crusader against political orthodoxy when he and his “campaign reform” platform came tantalizingly close to dethroning the party establishment’s protégé and favored son, George W. Bush, in the 2000 presidential primaries.  A mere eight years later, however, the world is on its head.  All that had been “up” was “down”, what was “in” was “out” and McCain began his 2008 presidential bid as the poster child for “staying the course” and maintaining the status quo.  The rebel had flippity-floppitied all the way to becoming a rabid conformist.

Indeed by 2008 the former naval aviator was one of only a spattering of politicians still openly supporting a Bush Administration whose approval ratings were hovering just below freezing.  The increasingly crotchety senior statesman became incensed by anyone and everyone who dared to question the President and his decisions.

With head-scratching curiosity, he seemed to suggest that espousing dreadfully unpopular positions and defending disastrous policy choices would make him uniquely “presidential”.  He’s the candidate you love to hate or perhaps hate to love.

Yet despite his turn towards radical conventionalism, the nonconformist traditionalist remained a political force to be reckoned with.  Everything McCain seems to fly in the face of conventional wisdom. 

In honor of this quick tempered moderate maverick, we bring you a radical twist on a traditional southern favorite: Hoppin’ John.  Made with black-eyed peas, stewed tomatoes, onions and jalapenos; out of respect for the Senator’s distaste for pork barrel spending, this well seasoned variation forgoes the customary ham hocks and bacon.  So get hoppin’, we’re sure you’re going to love this dish!  It never gets old.

Recipe yields approximately 8 servings but depending on portion size, can be adjusted to feed anywhere from the Keating Five to a Senatorial Gang of 14.

Straight Talk Express:  Given that John McCain isn’t getting any younger and seems to be running up against the clock in his bid for the Oval Office, we’ve elected to utilize a quick-fix option.  This recipe can be made in a matter of minutes using pre-prepared and canned ingredients.

ISSUES

2               Cans (15.8-ounce) black-eyed peas, drained

2               Cans (14½-ounce) diced tomatoes (zesty jalapeño or Mexican flavored).  In honor of the Senator’s Coco Solo, Panamanian roots, we suggest giving the dish a jalapeno kick, but should you prefer something a little more “middle of the road”, feel free to cross the border and give the dish an Arizona-appropriate Mexican accent.

½            Cup tear-jerking onion, chopped

1½-2      Tablespoons spicy Cajun seasoning (to taste)

MARCHING ORDERS

After draining and disposing of the liquid, pour the black-eyed peas into a large saucepan.  Begin simmering resentment and cooking over medium-high heat. 

As the black-eyed peas begin to heat, add the diced tomatoes (including the liquid), onions and Cajun seasoning.  Agitate and mix the ingredients until fully blended.  Stirring frequently, continue heating for about 10 minutes until much like John McCain’s blood, the liquid begins to boil. 

Reduce the heat, cover and let the mixture simmer over for at least 10 minutes, allowing the flavors to meld.  Be sure to stir frequently, otherwise you run the risk of politically incorrect “gook” accumulating on the bottom of the pan. 

The dish is ready when most of the liquid has evaporated (it shouldn’t be Arizona-desert-dry, but it should also not be too soupy).

SERVING SUGGESTIONS

 

Serve alone or over rice.  This recipe makes the perfect side dish for just about any meal and is guaranteed to appease a wide range of political palates.  It’s the perfect choice for anyone hoping to hop around issues or hop across party lines.

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Dishing Politics™  — The Cookbook

Served to you by JL Jamieson

McCain’s Hoppin’ John