Hillary’s Hot Cross Buns
(with Carpetbagger icing)
If by happenstance or circumstance you actually tune-in from time to time to the spin doctors and self-proclaimed pundits who forgo Sunday morning religious services to invade America’s televisions and shamelessly push their “holier-than-thou” political posturing on the bleary-eyed and sleep-deprived; then perchance you caught the eye-popping comments about Hillary Clinton’s “anger issues” made by Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman in early 2006.
If you missed it, no worries, as the press fancies itself so self-important and newsworthy that it actually reports on its own interviews, thereby ensuring that all off-handed comments, bloopers and tongue twisted remarks are subsequently ordained with Beltway Holy water and converted into Sunday’s political gospel.
To recap: In a well rehearsed off-the-cuff statement, RNC Chairman Mehlman accused Hillary Rodham Clinton, Senator from the State of New York, former First Lady and early front-runner for the 2008 Democratic presidential ticket, of being too angry and emotionally unstable to serve as President. That casual comment was all it took for the anger management question to become a major campaign issue and spread through the press like a raging summer wild-fire.
Now ours is not to reason why, nor are we plucky enough to offer a candid kitchen table psychoanalysis of Mrs. Clinton’s issues. We do concede, however, that on occasion she has donned a scowl somewhat suggestive of Mussolini with a migraine.
Nevertheless, in her defense, Hillary has more than a few good reasons to be harboring some anger. Unlike her husband Bill, Mrs. Clinton did indeed have every right to blow up in the face of the Monica Lewinski affair. She also has every right to be boiling mad about the high price of gas, the lack of affordable health care, the quagmire in Iraq and a whole host of other issues that are just too infuriating to list here.
But is Hillary too angry to be President? That’s hard to say. Was Dubya too tongue-tied or linguistically challenged for the position? Was Jimmy Carter too toothy? Was Reagan too Dutch, George H.W. Bush too wimpy, Bill Clinton too loving”? Truth is, we don’t know. History has a strange way of converting presidential candidates into their polar opposites. The country elects one thing and gets another. For the love of God, America elected Gore and got Bush! That’s just the way the cookie crumbles in electoral politics.
Only time will tell if a teeth grinding Hillary Clinton is too angry to become President and successfully execute the duties of Commander in Chief, but in the meanwhile, there’s no denying that this fiery dynamo ignites a fury of passions everywhere she goes.
Anger management be damned! Whether you love her, hate her, or happen to be her, this delicacy will help you cope. But be forewarned: given the wide variety of ingredients and intense labor needed for this recipe, you may find that “It Takes a Village” to prepare this dish.
Recipe feeds about 12 of Hillary’s “villagers”.
2 cups all purpose flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon cream of tartar
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ cup butter
¾ cup milk
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ cup granulated sugar
Non-stick cooking spray
New York Carpetbagger icing (you'll have to buy the book to get the recipe)
Standing Rules of the Senate:
Preheat the oven to the average midmorning temperature in Al Gore’s globally warmed world (450° F). Spray a muffin cup pan with non-stick cooking spray.
Stir together the flour, baking powder, cream of tartar, and salt in a large mixing bowl. Cut in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Make a well in the center of the mixture and add the milk. Stir just until the dough clings together. Remember, if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask. Raising this dough takes a village.
Angrily knead the dough for about 20 strokes on a lightly floured surface. Divide the dough in half, much like Hillary divides the nation.
With a roller, furiously flatten one portion of the dough into a 12x10-inch rectangle. Mix the cinnamon and sugar together and sprinkle it over the rectangle until completely coated. Cut the rectangle into five 12x2-inch strips. Stack the strips one on top of the other, dusting each layer with more cinnamon sugar as you go. Cut the stack into six 2-inch-square stacks. Place the stacks edge-side down in the greased muffin cups. Repeat with the remaining dough.
Bake in a preheated oven for 10 to 12 minutes or until golden. Once the rolls are slightly cooled, drizzle or pipe the New York Carpetbagger Icing to make a cross.
Senatorial Serving Suggestions:
These rolls make a great breakfast treat. Serve them warm, perhaps with a sundae while you “meet the press”.
Note: This is a secular recipe and the cross should not be perceived as an attempt by Mrs. Clinton to pander to the religious right. (unless, of course, you are a member of the religious right, in which case this recipe is proof-positive of Ms. Clinton’s strong Christian values).
Dishing Politics™ — The Cookbook
Served to you by JL Jamieson